I really don’t know how to fill up this blank screen today. This one might get a little emotional…but I heard from a little birdie (or Dr. Phil or Oprah…someone) that it’s best to just let it out sometimes.
Some days are great since my new life started. Some days, it’s more…of a challenge to make it through still smiling. Honestly, there are times I don’t end up smiling at all.
Is it strange that I often compare my divorce to the death of a close family member or friend? For instance, there’s that time in the morning when you first wake up, before you open your eyes, and you forget that your reality is less than ideal. Then, everything hits you like 20 pounds of bricks and it feels like the weight of it all could keep you in bed for days.
And also, there’s the inevitable awkwardness when you have light-hearted and simple conversations with people. During my teenage years, it always caught me off-guard with how to respond to, “where do you parents live/what do they do for a living?”. Often, I would just omit my mother’s death from the conversation all together and focus on my dad, or just shift the topic back to them. Witty jokes or sarcastic comments about current events all work to shift conversation. I’m great at distractions.
More recently, I now encounter people who want to congratulate me on the name change that they noticed…because people never suspect that a 26-year-old is getting divorced, they always assume congratulations is in order for a recent wedding. Again, distraction comes into play at a time like this. “Oh, yeah, it’s my maiden name… [insert funny joke here about how I had to “break free” or “I got tired of him”, haha]” and casually say that I am getting divorced, then finish up my speech with numerous reassurances that “I’m fine” and “my life is so much better now” to avoid any uncomfortable follow-up questions.
I thought I was finally finished working through the feelings of missing someone so much, and knowing that things will never…ever…be like they were again. When people leave our lives (by choice or not), it’s important to focus on the opportunities it provides to be a stronger person. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my teenage years hadn’t played out like they did.
To end on a lighter note, I had a great weekend! Sure, it was lonely at times…my Sunday is looking a lot like my Friday night (aka, a whole lot of nothing is happening around here). But, I’m getting to spend some quality time with my little Sophie, and there is nothing she likes more than cuddling all day under a blanket with her mom. If I can make her day better, I’d do anything for her!
Game of Thrones is on tonight too (hooray!), and it always teaches me one thing: my life is awesome compared to Sansa’s, am I right? (You probably won’t understand that reference if you aren’t a GOT fan…but trust me, her life. It’s bad.)
[Anyone catch what I did in the last two paragraphs? That’s called a distraction (from the depressing first half of the post). Told ya they’re my specialty!]
Have an amazing week, I’ll be back soon with more…as always, thanks for all the love and support!