Well, I survived.
Not only did I merely survive my first (and only?) trip with my soon-to-be ex-husband, I also learned a few key lessons that I’m going to share, because 1) I wish I had learned these before I decided to go on this…adventure, and 2) some of them are quite amusing, even if they are at my expense, so please, enjoy.
Don’t go on a cross-country trip with your soon-to-be ex-husband. This sounds obvious, right? Well, don’t let the sound of a relaxing vacation to a beautiful location like Vail, Colorado trick you like it did me. Sure…the paid for flight sounds like a dream! But then, you realize you’re crammed into a tiny plane side-by-side fighting for the arm rest for the next 3 hours. Oh, and it gets better! There will also be a guy (not your ex, lucklly) who has forgotten to take a shower for the past week and smells…less than pleasant. He will, of course, choose the seat directly across the aisle from you.
So, on this flight, you make it to your layover city. Picturesque Tulsa. Just as you sit down in your new, carefully chosen seat to get away from BO dude, the sassy flight attendant informs you that there will be an hour delay for take off. Oh, JOY. Nothing can wipe that smile from your face! The thought of sitting in this tin can just makes you giddy inside. Yeah, giddy to get your butt to the BAR.
And that’s exactly what I did. One giant beer later, I was ready for the second half of the flight. Before and after shots were taken just to prove we made it without killing each other:
If you do have to go on a trip with your ex, DON’T make it a wedding. I swear, I am
not an idiot. Don’t get me wrong, the open bar/wedding/open bar was amazing. It was beautiful, the bride was super-gorgeous, the weather and location: stunningly perfect and breathtaking. But still, it’s a wedding…and it’s pretty much impossible to enjoy yourself while going through a separation/divorce/trying to be friends/okay, just at least civil situation. The waterworks started the moment John Legend came on and bridesmaids were walking down the aisle. Luckily, the ceremony was outside so the sunglasses were on and I could be a blubbering mess with no one the wiser.
I thought I was a strong, independent, (freaking awesome) single woman now. But, let me tell you, when a beautiful couple is standing in front of all of their family and friends reciting their personal, written vows and promises to each other…freaking Xena the Warrior Princess would have crumbled into a weeping ball of emotions. No woman is that strong. (Maybe Hillary Clinton, but only because I’m convinced she’s a robot.)
If you do have to go to a wedding with your ex, HAVE FRIENDS ON CALL. We stayed with two really rad friend couples while on this trip, and I would have lost my mind if we didn’t have them around. Also, a fully charged cell phone battery at all times is a requirement. You never know when you need to text someone and look really busy to get out of an awkward introduction:
Stranger or Random Baylor Acquaintance You Forgot About, But Looks Familiar: “Hey, great wedding huh?! Where are you guys from?”
Ex or Ex’s Friend: “We live in Dallas.” (Please note: skirts around the fact that we don’t live together in Dallas)
Acquaintance: “Oh, Dallas, I love that city!” (And the conversation continues pointlessly about random topics…usually how hot it is in Texas, etc.)
Me: Texting furiously to several friends, hoping one will respond and I can avoid any further conversation with this stranger due to the “very important” texts I am receiving…it must be an emergency.
Maybe that makes me a coward, but I was in an emotionally-fragile state at that wedding and explaining my weird, sad, confusing life situation over and over again was NOT something I wanted to endure repeatedly. Judge me if you want.
Wear sunscreen, lots of sunscreen. Yes, Colorado is one of the most beautiful places I have seen. The beautiful, blue sky will draw you out of your safe, UVA/UVB blocking condo and it will feel amazing being out in nature. Hiking and enjoying the scenery in Vail will be all smiles…until you get home and look in the mirror.
Aloe Vera, you are my best friend, so glad we’ve been reunited. You’d think after 26 years of enjoying the sun, then paying for it lobster-style, would make a girl remember to wear some SPF 500. Or, maybe not? What can I say, I’m a work in progress.
I got back from my Colorado escapade at 11pm tonight, it’s been laundry and blog-writing till 1AM. Then, off to Austin as early as I can get up tomorrow morning for friend time, family time, and fun. (And alliteration, of course.) Maybe I’ll have a few more life lessons from that trip.
Oh, don’t worry, I’ll wear sunscreen, too.