Here’s What I’m Gonna Do

Okay, so my last post detailed a lot of the things I’ve tackled since I’ve been “livin’ the single life” (picture me doing a little jig while a type “single life”), but now I thought I’d share some of the things I still have yet to do…I mean, there’s about a billion things I haven’t done yet, but I’ll only mention the things I’m interested in (you’re welcome). Naturally, the next question would be: if I’m interested in said “things”, why have I not done them yet? Oh, the answer’s easy…I’m terrified of actually doing them.

  • Slow down and enjoy the little things in life. I know this sounds so cliché, right? But seriously… I want to make time to enjoy a cup of coffee…just buy the expensive kind once and really enjoy the flavor. I want to drive out to the country and truly appreciate the scenery. I want to stay up talking with a friend until we watch the sunrise together.
  • Be more independent. I like to consider myself independent but if I’m honest- there is still a part of me that just wants to throw my hands up and cry for help in situations. Fortunately, I can now go and do certain things on my own and I don’t completely hate it all the time. I go grocery shopping alone, that was big for me (I’m serious…and you can’t judge me!). I can exercise by myself, and I now prefer it that way actually. I’ve gone shopping for clothes and housewares..making decisions all by myself! (It’s funny, because those of you that know me in person know how hard that is for me to do!) But, there are things that I still have an extremely hard time considering doing on my own. I am very, very uncomfortable with eating alone at a restaurant. In fact, I’ve never done it. I won’t go to a movie alone, or actually to an event of any kind by myself. But, I’m challenging myself to do just that! (I can’t believe I just put it out there!! Ahh?!)  I want to be able to go to the park with a blanket and book and just enjoy the afternoon reading in the grass and not die of anxiety that same afternoon. Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be a follow-up post about that experience. (Yikes, I feel the stress heartburn happening already…)
  • Go to a gun range. Alright, don’t get all crazy on me…I’m not trying to be the next Annie Oakley or anything. I just want to feel safe. For the past three months, there have been a number of times where I thought to myself, “If someone broke into my apartment right now, I wouldn’t even know what to do!” That is never a good thing to think. You know, pretty much all I have to defend myself with are the tweezers in my bedside table at night. And Maggie is useles-s she would probably just sleep right through anything so you forget about a guard dog. So, I want to just start with going to a gun range and blowing off some steam…then I can think about actually keeping something that powerful in my apartment…I’m not sure how I feel about that idea yet.

I was going to write more, buuuuut I feel like that’s a good starting point for me. Let’s not go crazy and have me try to dominate all my fears at once okay? And, it’s not even like they’re especially terror-inducing for the average individual (come on, who can’t go to Panera alone?) But for me, well, let’s just say I’d rather eat saw dust than face some of these fears. (Saw dust was the worst thing I could think of to eat when I typed that, just go with it.)

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