Hello again. It feels good to be back. Writing tends to be therapy for me, if you couldn’t tell. Honestly, when things are going well and I’m busy, I don’t feel the urge to write. Well, I guess sometimes I do, but usually my mind tends to clear with happiness.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not back because I’m unhappy, but the past 3 months have been an adventure! Mostly good with a few crappy moments sprinkled throughout, but isn’t that life in general? Haha…I should copyright that phrase.
Dating is weird. And dating is hard. How is it possible that I enjoy it and absolutely hate it at the same time? I’ve only ‘technically’ been in this strange world for about 5 months, and it’s a daily whirlwind. I feel like it’s a giant game, with multiple smaller games being played simultaneously within it. Be this person, share these details (but not those details), like these activites, be interested in current events, yada yada yada. When I feel like putting in the effort, it’s actually kind of fun. I get to portray the best parts of me, and sort of put my life on display. This concept of dating is just so interesting to me, especially online dating. You know I went on 3 dates with someone, talked with them for a few weeks and learned quite a bit about their life, then realized I didn’t even know their last name? That’s crazy to me! Oh man, if you get to know someone’s full name, apparently that’s as good as putting a ring on it. Watch out.
Especially with a past like mine (let’s be honest, I’ve got a few red marker edits on my “life resume”), I’m always unsure as to when to reveal things about my past. So far, it’s been pretty natural, but there’s been a couple of times when it hasn’t come up in the first few times of hanging out with someone that I happen to be divorced. I feel like it’s such a dirty word, like a big, red “D” on my chest, or something. It makes me feel like I’m flawed, damaged, and broken for the next person in my life. I mean, I know I’m not, but the stigma that comes along with the term divorcee isn’t generally a good one. If they stick around long enough for me to explain the terms/reasoning for my marriage ending, the response is generally positive, but not always. Oh well, I guess they weren’t meant for me anyway, right?
Hmm, another dating factor I’ve come across…when they are more into you than vice-versa. Honestly, I never expected this to happen to me. I mean, I waited in a relationship for 10 years for someone to reciprocate my feelings at the same level I did, so I thought I’d never experience it in the future. But, now that I have, it is NOT fun. Of course I know that it’s bound to happen, people fall in love in different levels and at different times, but I’ve realized that having the power to break someone’s heart is just plain terrifying.
I don’t think I can remember a time when I had to do something that I knew would hurt another person in a big way. My natural instinct is to do absolutely everything I can do avoid hurting another person. But recently, I experienced my first “me doing the breaking-up’ with someone, and that shit is hard. I think I’d rather be broken up with honestly. It made me feel like a terrible person causing someone pain, but I knew ultimately it was worth it and very much needed to avoid further heartbreak between us in the future.
Anyway, aside from dating, I’ll be moving soon! May 1st to be exact. Annndddd, big news: I’ll have a roommate! No, it’s not a guy…I don’t move that fast. 🙂 She’s freaking awesome, and I’m sure there will be plenty of posts detailing our shenanigans while we co-exist together. Living alone was exactly what I needed over the past year, and I’m excited for yet another living change in 2015.
So, again, here’s to a year full of adventures, travels, friends, and new experiences! Have I mentioned how much I freaking LOVE my life? (And no, that isn’t sarcasm, my life is pretty. darn. awesome.)