New beginnings kinda suck.

Yeah, I said it. I always try to be honest here and honestly, I’ve decided I just don’t like starting new things. [pauses for gasps from the crowd] There are quotes all over the place that talk about being fearless and embracing change…that new paths and open doors lead to magic and adventure. But in reality, sometimes change is just that. Change. You just wake up one day and decide to do things differently. It’s hard, it sucks, there’s no instant gratification, and occasionally you fail. I mean, who isn’t more comfortable just staying where they are, just chuggin’ along? Just me?

However much I may like the feeling of contentment, it’s something I rarely (if ever) get to enjoy. It’s become more and more apparent to me that life is just a series of beginnings and endings, with very few constants along the way. While that may not necessarily be a negative thing, it’s freaking hard sometimes, no?

On Monday I’ll start my new job.

Let me preface this point by saying that theoretically I’m super pumped about this opportunity. I’m proud of myself for reaching my goal of becoming a Practice Administrator in a medical office (and before 30, no less), and being able to professionally transition from one job to another while keeping many personal and professional relationships intact. Woo adulting!

But…along with anticipation and excitement, the incoming tide of emotions like anxiety (you constant bitch), fear, nervousness, and the need for approval are incessantly trying to take over. It’s been a non-stop battle in my mind this weekend- excited, then wanting to throw up, happy and proud, immediately followed by indecision and worry, smiling and feeling optimistic, then biting my lip and scared I’ll make a fool of myself next week.

I know, I know, I’ll be fine. I’ll do great and it will be amazing and I’ll love it and everyone will love me because I’m beautiful and awesome and hilarious and it will all be okay. Whew.

Oh, right. Hey reality- you’re still here? Damn it. I’m still scared.

Luckily, I never had to change schools as a kid. I spent my first 18 years of life in a tiny backwoods country town and knew, or at least knew of, pretty much everyone in my school. Even though I never had to experience the feeling of being the new kid, just the thought of it makes my stomach flip. I’d watch movies or TV where they walk into the crowded cafeteria and can’t find a place to sit so instead they choose to eat their lunch in a bathroom stall and I’d always think, “yep, that’d be me”. Not because they, nor I, are particularly weird, it’s just easier.  Is it weird that I’m already dreading lunch tomorrow? Honestly, I’ll probably end up eating in the car. Normal people don’t worry about this stuff, do they?


I’m on a mission to eat healthier.

I figured hey, since I’m changing my daily routine with a new job, different (improved) commute, and daily dog walking schedule…why not throw in another challenge and stop eating so much crap? Habits are so hard to break. But, I’m hoping my theory of starting this new routine will be easier if I automatically start doing it with all the others.

First, I’m going to keep up the no soda rule. It’s been 6 weeks and 3 days since my last soda and I hope I never go back. While it may be getting slightly easier,  I still crave an ice cold Diet Coke almost every day. Instead, I give my water bottle the middle finger, take a giant gulp, and let out an exaggerated “ahh” to try and trick myself that it’s just as gratifying. God, it’s really not.

Second, I’m cutting way back on the fast food. Matt and I really only had Chick-fil-a or Whataburger what, maybe twice a week, if that? Realistically, I’m always going to allow myself to indulge in a chicken sandwich and waffle fries occasionally. It’s just too delicious. And what’s the point in living if you’re so freakin’ miserable all the time eating  like a bird and drinking grass water?

While I may not be able to entirely sacrifice the fries and rare nugget adventure, we are focusing on eating at home and eating real food. It’s a time commitment, that’s for sure, and it takes a lot more work, but I’m hoping once we get used to it it will become easier and less of a struggle. Right now my main issue is not reverting to a 3-year-old and throwing a mini-fit every time I have to do the dishes.


All in all, while I may hate the idea of starting these new things; whether it be a new job, better eating choices, or drinking another unending bottle of water- they’re all worth doing. Ultimately I know it will lead to a better and happier life.

Well, at least that’s the goal, right? I’ll keep you posted.

New Week, New Me!

You know what I love about Mondays?!

Okay, almost nothing…but I do love that it’s a fresh start to the week. That whatever happened the week before is old news and doesn’t have to impact how this week will be.

Anyway, today, as you probably saw on my Facebook post, I kicked butt on the elliptical and then gave everyone a few minutes of entertainment as I attempted to walk out of the gym. Well, I wouldn’t really call it walking, more like a baby giraffe trying to stand up for the first time. Oh, and, of course, women were running like beautiful gazelles on the treadmill as I stumbled by trying to smile and not make a complete fool of myself. Needless to say, it was the highlight of my day. No, truly it was, learning to laugh at myself is this new thing I’m trying…most of the time it’s mortifying, but I think it’s starting to make life a little more fun.

Speaking of life being more fun, here’s my most recent list of new things I’m trying just to enjoy life more (no judgement, I mean it!):

Singing – in the car, the shower (the acoustics…yes!), just in general wherever in my apartment. I used to keep my mouth shut when my favorite song came on, especially if there were other people around. Well, let me just tell you all that you had it easy. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket (with a lid). But hey, why can’t I just enjoy a good song?

Dancing – sorry, there will be no Youtube videos of myself twerking in my apartment…although, I’m sure that’s what you immediately pictured. But, when I’ve got nothing to do at night and Sophie wants to get some energy out, you can bet that we’ve had multiple dance parties (some even included a little karaoke). Seriously, listen to my all-time favorite dancing song and try not to smile and do a little jig yourself!

New Foods – I didn’t ever consider myself a picky eater, per se. Maybe I was, but I tried to never inconvenience others if I didn’t care for something. Recently, I’ve started to branch out and try new foods…and actually accept that I might like them. Turns out, some things are amazing! Not all foods…people still think I’m crazy for not liking avocados or hummus. (Hey, I said no judgement! It’s a texture thing…that’s the next one I hope to “grow out of”). There is so much more flavor in foods that are fresh and cooked well! My diet used to be full of fried this and ketchup-covered that…now I can hardly finish a Chick-fil-a sandwich. It’s crazy, the old things still taste good, but I just don’t crave them.

New Hairstyle (coming soon) –  I made a deal with myself that I would lose 20 pounds and then cut my hair off. My face was/is a little too round to be able to do a bob well…so I’m thinking it will be something summery and shoulder-length. Maybe lighter? Layers? I’m almost to my next weight milestone, so stay tuned!!


Feel free to think of any other ways I can make a complete fool out of myself on the internet. Hah, I’m looking to embarrass myself a little more. But sorry….still no twerking video. I won’t cross that line.