New beginnings kinda suck.

Yeah, I said it. I always try to be honest here and honestly, I’ve decided I just don’t like starting new things. [pauses for gasps from the crowd] There are quotes all over the place that talk about being fearless and embracing change…that new paths and open doors lead to magic and adventure. But in reality, sometimes change is just that. Change. You just wake up one day and decide to do things differently. It’s hard, it sucks, there’s no instant gratification, and occasionally you fail. I mean, who isn’t more comfortable just staying where they are, just chuggin’ along? Just me?

However much I may like the feeling of contentment, it’s something I rarely (if ever) get to enjoy. It’s become more and more apparent to me that life is just a series of beginnings and endings, with very few constants along the way. While that may not necessarily be a negative thing, it’s freaking hard sometimes, no?

On Monday I’ll start my new job.

Let me preface this point by saying that theoretically I’m super pumped about this opportunity. I’m proud of myself for reaching my goal of becoming a Practice Administrator in a medical office (and before 30, no less), and being able to professionally transition from one job to another while keeping many personal and professional relationships intact. Woo adulting!

But…along with anticipation and excitement, the incoming tide of emotions like anxiety (you constant bitch), fear, nervousness, and the need for approval are incessantly trying to take over. It’s been a non-stop battle in my mind this weekend- excited, then wanting to throw up, happy and proud, immediately followed by indecision and worry, smiling and feeling optimistic, then biting my lip and scared I’ll make a fool of myself next week.

I know, I know, I’ll be fine. I’ll do great and it will be amazing and I’ll love it and everyone will love me because I’m beautiful and awesome and hilarious and it will all be okay. Whew.

Oh, right. Hey reality- you’re still here? Damn it. I’m still scared.

Luckily, I never had to change schools as a kid. I spent my first 18 years of life in a tiny backwoods country town and knew, or at least knew of, pretty much everyone in my school. Even though I never had to experience the feeling of being the new kid, just the thought of it makes my stomach flip. I’d watch movies or TV where they walk into the crowded cafeteria and can’t find a place to sit so instead they choose to eat their lunch in a bathroom stall and I’d always think, “yep, that’d be me”. Not because they, nor I, are particularly weird, it’s just easier.  Is it weird that I’m already dreading lunch tomorrow? Honestly, I’ll probably end up eating in the car. Normal people don’t worry about this stuff, do they?

lunch

I’m on a mission to eat healthier.

I figured hey, since I’m changing my daily routine with a new job, different (improved) commute, and daily dog walking schedule…why not throw in another challenge and stop eating so much crap? Habits are so hard to break. But, I’m hoping my theory of starting this new routine will be easier if I automatically start doing it with all the others.

First, I’m going to keep up the no soda rule. It’s been 6 weeks and 3 days since my last soda and I hope I never go back. While it may be getting slightly easier,  I still crave an ice cold Diet Coke almost every day. Instead, I give my water bottle the middle finger, take a giant gulp, and let out an exaggerated “ahh” to try and trick myself that it’s just as gratifying. God, it’s really not.

Second, I’m cutting way back on the fast food. Matt and I really only had Chick-fil-a or Whataburger what, maybe twice a week, if that? Realistically, I’m always going to allow myself to indulge in a chicken sandwich and waffle fries occasionally. It’s just too delicious. And what’s the point in living if you’re so freakin’ miserable all the time eating  like a bird and drinking grass water?

While I may not be able to entirely sacrifice the fries and rare nugget adventure, we are focusing on eating at home and eating real food. It’s a time commitment, that’s for sure, and it takes a lot more work, but I’m hoping once we get used to it it will become easier and less of a struggle. Right now my main issue is not reverting to a 3-year-old and throwing a mini-fit every time I have to do the dishes.

 

All in all, while I may hate the idea of starting these new things; whether it be a new job, better eating choices, or drinking another unending bottle of water- they’re all worth doing. Ultimately I know it will lead to a better and happier life.

Well, at least that’s the goal, right? I’ll keep you posted.

Priorities

Life is a busy thing. I’ll be honest, for the past two weeks I’ve felt as if I’ve been playing catch up, never able to fully feel like I was in control of my life. I’d wake up stressed about one thing or another, running late to work and spending the rest of the day putting out fires as they popped up. I’d sleep late instead of getting up early to run. I’d eat junk in place of healthy foods, soda for water, etc. It’s like I just went right back to my old habits…I just couldn’t figure out why. I think I didn’t want to know why.

I also stopped writing. I felt so out of control with my emotions, I just shut them off for a couple of weeks. I didn’t even want to acknowledge they existed, so therefore I couldn’t write about them. It wasn’t even like they were all negative thoughts, they just were so unpredictable I thought I’d come off crazy, haha well, even more crazy. It’s strange when you start to spiral downward, you don’t even realize it really until you’ve opened your eyes, looked around, and realized you’ve just been absent from life. All the insecurities start to creep back in, you return to your old, comfortable habits, and wonder why you’re not happy.

Well, I’m awake.

I’m running 3-4 miles a day, eating better, staying positive, and trying to actually work through all of these crazy, random emotions. There’s new goals I’ve set, new priorities I’m making, and new adventures just waiting around the corner…and I can’t wait to share them all.

Thanks for all the love and support!! During the hard times, I usually go back and read sweet comments and messages I receive on here and it cheers me up. Seriously, I wouldn’t know what to do without this outlet, so again, thank you for reading! Many funny, embarrassing, honest, and encouraging posts to come!

Challenge: Accepted

I just completed Day 1 of Juice Cleanse-O-Rama Challenge! (If you missed out on the pre-juicing experience, you can laugh about it here.) First off, let’s just be impressed that I actually did it. There were a few weak moments in there when I almost dove into the snack drawer at work and found some sad, lonely Cheez-It’s with my name on them. Literally, I had to write my name on everything so it wouldn’t get eaten. But, I held out and told those Cheez-It’s to turn on a sad song because no one is coming for them any time soo

I’m not gonna lie, it totally helped to have a buddy doing this with me. Yes, I could say it’s her fault that I’m doing this…and, I may at some low points in my hunger-rage, but honestly, I should be thanking her for inviting me to do this. And, texting all day about juice and the foods we’re missing out on made the day go by a little faster. Plus, sharing funny photos always helps too:

us

I’d say we have some pretty awesome emotions about this juice. All I’m sayin’ is, these pictures could get crazy.

 Surprisingly, I didn’t get hungry until I got home from work at 5:15. Drinking 4 bottles of juice and 6 glasses of water had me feeling crazy full (not to mention peeing every 30 minutes). Fun times. Actually, the flavors are much better than I expected, although still not cheeseburger and fries good. Let’s not get out of hand. (Can you imagine a healthy cleanse where you could just drink milkshakes or eat wings all day? Wow…can you tell I’m hungry? Hahah.) Here’s what stared me in the face all day…and I promise, the staging was NOT intentional, that’s literally just how cliche my life is.

5

The first one was pretty good actually. I was expecting to have to plug my nose and choke these down, but they start you off easy with mostly green-colored orange juice. That second one…the red one, I thought “Oh, yum, strawberries? Nope- it’s beets. Gross. I do not like beets. At all. The third monster is misleading, you think it’s green orange juice again, but surprise! It’s basically celery with cayenne pepper in it. Yikes. And then, when you don’t want to see anything liquid ever again…you get to have another beautiful bottle of green…something. That one was cucumber, not great, but not too bad. Whew, that cayenne…it was a punch in the throat for me.

With this plan, you get to choose your own dinner. Woo hoo! Well, Lauren and I both had ours planned by 10am I’m pretty sure. Unfortunately, you can’t go crazy and have a Big Mac super-sized or anything (I wish). So, grilled chicken and fruit it is!

Stay tuned for more stories and photos as I continue on this juicing adventure!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

“Wanna do a juice cleanse?!”

This is the question I received a few days ago. I immediately said yes, of course. Why? I have no idea. Mainly, I agreed because I’ve made it a life goal to say no as little as possible. Because of this, I’ve experienced new things, tried new foods (good and bad), and met more people, heard new music, and enjoyed life so much more than I used to.

Even though I blindly accepted this cleansing adventure, I said yes with a week to  research and prepare. What I thought would be a three day challenge has turned into a nine day challenge. Oh joy, I just tripled my fun!

To best handle a cleanse, “they” (whoever they is) recommend eating clean for three days before and after the actual juicing days to make it easier. My first thought on this: why do I need to make it easier? What’s hard about it if I don’t eat clean?. Needless to say, I’m going the safe route and I started eating clean on Friday, before I drink my life away on Monday, then followed by at least three additional days of clean eating.

What is this idea of eating ‘clean’? It’s all about consuming foods in their most natural state, Fruits veggies, whole grains, grass-fed meats, etc. Eliminating processed foods, refined sugars, white flour, saturated and trans fats, basically everything that used to be in my diet constantly. So, on Thursday I had my “last meal”…don’t judge me- it was a Whataburger Jr. and a Diet Coke with a few fries. It was glorious.

Friday AKA ‘Clean Eating Day 1” was fairly painless. Fairly. I woke up and instantly wanted coffee, then was shut down by the post-it I intentionally left on my Keurig the night before to remind me that I can’t wake up artificially. Instead, I splashed my face with cold water and slapped on a de-caffeinated smile. I skipped breakfast, because I had nothing in my fridge that was clean, then went produce shopping during lunch to load up for the next few days. Can I just say that grocery store produce, namely organic produce, is ridiculously expensive? That’s the last time I ever shop for food in Oak Cliff. Anyway, dinner was yummy:

photo (4)

Overall, Friday was successfully clean! I’d say, on a scale of 1 being miserable to 10 meaning over-the-moon happy, I ended on about a 7.5. I missed my coffee and diet coke…but also felt accomplished and proud of myself.

Saturday has been better, and also, worse. I did make it only half way to my coffee maker before I realized I couldn’t partake in any caffeinated and hazelnut creamy goodness, but, I perked up when I realized the farmer’s market was only 10 minutes away and I’ve never been! It. Is. Amazing. The produce is super fresh, super cheap, and so yummy! I filled up on samples and bought way too much, but it was a lot of fun.

Since I went with a couple of good friends, the next question was natural. I was expecting it, but that didn’t make me any stronger in resisting it. “Wanna go grab lunch and a drink?” I mean, it’s Saturday, early afternoon and patios were just waiting to be sat on. Remember my life’s goal? Don’t say no! Did I know that I’d break so soon? Uggghhh… but I did. Let me just say: it was so worth it. If you live in Dallas, go to Cold Beer Co. It’s amazing. And, I didn’t do too badly, I had one beer and a turkey sandwich. Yes, it had bacon and cheddar on it…but again, so good. The rest of my afternoon will be spent binge-watching The Newsroom and eating fruit. Lots of it.

Stay tuned for the rest of this…escapade. I think it’s going to be very entertaining.

 

New Week, New Me!

You know what I love about Mondays?!

Okay, almost nothing…but I do love that it’s a fresh start to the week. That whatever happened the week before is old news and doesn’t have to impact how this week will be.

Anyway, today, as you probably saw on my Facebook post, I kicked butt on the elliptical and then gave everyone a few minutes of entertainment as I attempted to walk out of the gym. Well, I wouldn’t really call it walking, more like a baby giraffe trying to stand up for the first time. Oh, and, of course, women were running like beautiful gazelles on the treadmill as I stumbled by trying to smile and not make a complete fool of myself. Needless to say, it was the highlight of my day. No, truly it was, learning to laugh at myself is this new thing I’m trying…most of the time it’s mortifying, but I think it’s starting to make life a little more fun.

Speaking of life being more fun, here’s my most recent list of new things I’m trying just to enjoy life more (no judgement, I mean it!):

Singing – in the car, the shower (the acoustics…yes!), just in general wherever in my apartment. I used to keep my mouth shut when my favorite song came on, especially if there were other people around. Well, let me just tell you all that you had it easy. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket (with a lid). But hey, why can’t I just enjoy a good song?

Dancing – sorry, there will be no Youtube videos of myself twerking in my apartment…although, I’m sure that’s what you immediately pictured. But, when I’ve got nothing to do at night and Sophie wants to get some energy out, you can bet that we’ve had multiple dance parties (some even included a little karaoke). Seriously, listen to my all-time favorite dancing song and try not to smile and do a little jig yourself!

New Foods – I didn’t ever consider myself a picky eater, per se. Maybe I was, but I tried to never inconvenience others if I didn’t care for something. Recently, I’ve started to branch out and try new foods…and actually accept that I might like them. Turns out, some things are amazing! Not all foods…people still think I’m crazy for not liking avocados or hummus. (Hey, I said no judgement! It’s a texture thing…that’s the next one I hope to “grow out of”). There is so much more flavor in foods that are fresh and cooked well! My diet used to be full of fried this and ketchup-covered that…now I can hardly finish a Chick-fil-a sandwich. It’s crazy, the old things still taste good, but I just don’t crave them.

New Hairstyle (coming soon) –  I made a deal with myself that I would lose 20 pounds and then cut my hair off. My face was/is a little too round to be able to do a bob well…so I’m thinking it will be something summery and shoulder-length. Maybe lighter? Layers? I’m almost to my next weight milestone, so stay tuned!!

 

Feel free to think of any other ways I can make a complete fool out of myself on the internet. Hah, I’m looking to embarrass myself a little more. But sorry….still no twerking video. I won’t cross that line.

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a moment to pat myself on the back. That’s right…myself!

I’m now consistently running 2.5 miles almost daily (I take a much-needed break every few days so that I don’t blow a knee). I’ve lost 15 (read it again… that’s a BIG ONE FIVE) pounds. And I’m down at least one size, sometimes two if I’m lucky! Go. freaking. ME.

Sure, there’s always the negative side of me, “2.5 miles isn’t very far, 15 pounds is only a small amount of what I need to lose.” But right now, I’m not going to let those thoughts in my head. I feel more motivated than I ever have in my life. I also have more confidence then I’ve ever had. I know I’m nowhere near perfect, but I love how I’m starting to feel.

It is so strange to crave healthier and new foods now. (Sure, I haven’t cut a good burger or fries out of my life…but what normal person would?!) Fruit and vegetables are a huge part of my diet now, rather than chips, macaroni and cheese, and potatoes. I ALMOST enjoy working out…almost, I haven’t gone off the deep end yet. Best of all, I know that nothing feels nicer than clothes fitting better, jeans being loose, and knowing I am becoming healthier and happier every day.

I know I probably don’t look different to anyone else, even I can hardly tell a difference when I look in the mirror. But right now, I’m focused on the inside, and if the outside gets better too, it’s a win-win for everyone.

So, my new obsession is awesome running shirts. I mean, if you’re going to torture yourself  be fit and healthy, you might as well have a sense of humor about it, right? You can find these all over the place on Pinterest or Etsy.  Here’s a couple of my favorites from both.

shirt 1      shirt 2        shirt 4        shirt 3

 

Well, thanks for reading my “pat on the back”! I know you never know what you’re going to read on this blog…but I hope it’s at least entertaining! It’s kind of terrifying and amazing at the same time to think that I’m putting my emotions out into the web-iverse for all to read. I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement from both friends and strangers…and it couldn’t feel better.

So until the next entry…don’t let the suspense keep you up at night! Or, just go for a run, you’ll be so exhausted you won’t be able to keep your eyes open, trust me.