Sure, I’ll take some more pain, please.

No, the title of this post is not in reference to some weird 50 Shades of Grey thing…sorry if I got your hopes up, haha.

I realized this weekend that human nature is a funny thing. I watched myself and several of my friends go through different experiences where we chose to put ourselves in mentally painful situations, repeatedly. At the end of the weekend I was exhausted, I had nothing productive come from my two days off from work, and I thought, “what the hell are we doing? Are we happy being miserable? Do we just want to be unhappy?”

I know, I know…you’re thinking, “What is she talking about? Give us the dirt! We want to hear what hot mess of a situation you got yourself into!” Alright already…but you’re just going to shake your head at the end of it, I’ll say it now: I told you so.

After being in a long term relationship for so long, one could say I’m a little afraid terrified of settling down and getting serious with someone right now. At this point in my life, it’s nice to just have companionship and someone to text or cuddle with when you’re lonely. So, in the midst of online dating/Tinder-ing/whatever you want to call it, I found someone who is pretty cool. We hung out for about 6 weeks or so, seeing eachother a couple times a week, and it was going well. Couple of things to note: we never discussed past relationships (this is big for me, as a huge part of my identity was found in the label of being “divorced”), and also, we never had the DTR (define the relationship) conversation, this led to many nights of confusion and wondering about what we were doing.

Okay, you probably want to stop me here. Looking back, it’s easy to say, “Why didn’t you just ask? You could’ve brought up the past. Etc, etc.” Can I just tell you, easier said than done. I have this thing with wanting to be the “cool girl”…it’s a term that’s very common in the dating scene. As a young woman, you want to be cool enough so that guys are attracted to this mystery and easy-going-ness, but you have to be strong and opinionated just enough so that they know they can’t walk all over you and they must respect you. It’s a stupidly fine balance that is impossible to achieve.

Anyway, I finally broke after 6ish weeks and risked the conversation of “what are we doing because I’m going crazy trying to figure this out without communicating.” (Shocker, I know.) It went surprisingly well, with us both being on the same page of keeping things “casual” and not wanting anything “serious”. We were open to the other going on dates with other people, but if anything became serious, we would let the other know. It seemed like the perfect situation at the time… (cue dramatic music, please).

It’s been almost 3 months, and SURPRISE, this girl now has feelings for the dude. Yep, I said it. Out loud, to the masses, and I can’t take it back now. It’s not like that “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff”, (props if you caught the 90’s It Takes Two reference, thank you Kristie Alley). It’s just like, you wake up and want to text him (but I don’t), or you catch yourself listening to different music because he introduced you to it. Hell, I even went to a Mexican food restaurant (that didn’t have hamburgers!) for him.

So, now I’m in a pickle. He is still being very casual and I can tell things haven’t progressed in the emotional department for him. My choices: 1. I have to still play the cool girl role and pretend to not want anything more. or 2.  Be honest and risk losing what we do have for something more. That’s a big risk to me, and one I’m not sure I’m ready to take. But, on the flip side, it kinda sucks having to act like I’m less interested than I am and constantly hoping for more, and consistently being disappointed,

The doozie happened this weekend when he said he’d come to a party for my roommate’s birthday. The morning of said party, he asked me what time things were starting, and then said he’d “let me know”. I know, how non-committal. Well, I didn’t hear from the kid again until Monday. He just never texted me about the party, didn’t show up, didn’t call or text, no lame excuse for backing out, nothing. Just a casual text on Monday about his day, like the discussion about the party never existed…I was thinking I was crazy. Who does that?

Quiz time! What did Ashley do in response?

A. Confront him about not showing up to the party.

B. Call him a jerk for bailing and never talk to him again.

C. Answer his text politely and positively about his day and completely avoid the party conversation.

Yep. I did C. I know! This is the part where you’re shaking your head and throwing your fist in the air! Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why did I give him an out? Why would I let him think that’s okay to treat others like they don’t matter?

Ehh, I don’t know. Why do we, as people, do any of the above things? Why are we okay with being continually hurt by the same person? Why do we pour out our feelings and be honest time and time again, just to be let down as we knew we would be? Why do we pursue friendships and relationships that are only one-sided?

Maybe we are hoping for something better. Maybe we have this idea of the situation being improved or the person being who they could be. Perhaps we think that if we make the same mistake enough times, we will get it through our thick skulls that things won’t change and we should just move on. Who knows, really. I think we each have our own motivation for making the choices that we do, and I’m not one to judge…I for real have had my share of stupid decisions. (See above for the most recent, then all previous blog posts for prior dumb mistakes, haha.

In light of this weekends shenanigans, here’s my quote for the week:

Nora Ephron Quote

Now what?

Well, I did it. I survived an entire year living on my own. If you know anything about me, you should be impressed. This year flew by, while seeming to take an eternity to do so, if that makes sense at all. I can’t believe how much has happened, how much I’ve changed, and how different my life has become over the past 12 months. I moved out of my apartment on Sunday, and before I could leave cross the threshold out of my door for the last time I literally sat on the floor and cried. Yep, like a big ol’ baby.

I sat there thinking about all the emotions I had moving in: loneliness, heartache, hope for a new future, bitterness, and anger. I cried knowing I worked through all of those things within those four walls. I thought back about when I sat on my kitchen counter (yes, on top of it) and drank wine with friends while talking about how stupid and messed up our lives were. I remembered baking amazing desserts in that kitchen and then eating my feelings in the form of cupcakes/brownies/pie until I was sick. I laughed about all the slumber parties I had with friends in my tiny full-sized bed after too much drinking by my sweet pool.

I really lived in that apartment. Okay, that sounds so cheesy, but it’s actually true. I was a different person when I moved in, I changed my entire life over the course of a year, and I can’t believe that chapter is over. As I was leaving for the last time, it just all hit me at once and I broke down. Everything I was feeling a year ago is pretty much gone (in the best way possible). All of my anxiety, self-doubt, anger, etc. has melted away and I’ve become someone strong and ready to conquer the next chapter in my life, whatever it may be.

After I pulled it together and sniffled my way to the car, I climbed in and thought, “so, now what?”. New chapter, new year, new me…what could life possibly have in store for me next? Well, I’m all too aware that you can’t control your future, but I have a few things I’d like to tackle:

 

Find something to be passionate about. 

I had drinks with a good friend recently and we got on the subject of passion. Naturally, he asked me what I was passionate about. Oh, I know what you’re thinking: easy question! That’s what I thought, too. I proceeding with the following: I’m totally passionate about…you know, that thing…that I love. I do it all the time… how do I describe it, um. EXACTLY. I was so embarrassed when I realized I really can’t say that I have a passion. Sure, I enjoy a ton of things, but nothing really drives me to get up in the morning, nothing pushes me to be more creative, or compassionate, or try harder. Honestly, I think it’s been a fear of mine to throw my entire effort into something, for fear of failure or worse, mediocrity. This year I want to find my passion(s). I don’t know if it will be something as simple as baking, or maybe I’ll grow fond of gardening. Hell, I could go nuts and get addicted to sky-diving! …but I would like to survive the year, so I think I’ll hold back on that last idea.

Focus on relationships.

I’ve spent the past year being selfish. It was intentional, but it went against the core being of who I am. I needed to take the year for me and figure out who I was without a husband, dog, indentity as a wife, or the stigma of being divorced. I spent countless nights alone, specifically after having turned down plans with friends, just so I could contemplate my future and  all those other deep, introspective ideas. This year I want to push myself to invest in friendships, family relationships, and at some point, possibly, just maybe, really be able to pour into a romantic relationship. I’m not the only one going through rough times, and I want to be there for friends and family that were there for me over the past few months. In summary, less inward, more outward.

Try new things. As many as possible.

What can I say, I like to be comfortable. I know what restaurants I like, I know how I like my coffee, I know that I don’t like mushrooms. But I also know that I often take the easy way out and run away from things unknown to me. It’s easier to just say “I hate Mexican food” than actually try different kinds, or even worse, I might grow to like some of it! (The horror…I know.) Actually, over the past few months, I’ve grown to enjoy sushi (like real, raw sushi, lol). I’ve eaten guacamole more than once (and not hate it). I’ve listened to new kinds of music and found new artists to love. I’ve realized the more I branch out, the more life I’m experiencing…and it’s so much better this way. Being open to new experiences and the different things people enjoy, it makes relationships deeper, life brighter, and so much more fun. (Jeez…I’m just a blogger full of sappy one-liners tonight, hm?)

 

I’m really looking forward to this year, actually. I think it’s going to be just as challenging, but in an entirely different way. If I get really crazy, I’ll write another post soon about how many random things I acccomplished on my bucket list this past year…now that would show you how much of an adventure my life has become. Hah.

Adventures in Online Dating [Pt. 3]

Wow, I’m a week into 2015 and this year has been an adventure already! Between New Year’s, dating, friends, work, and just life in general, week one of this new year/new me is going pretty darn well.

Okay, so it’s also been kind of a mess, but that’s certainly expected in my life…it’s kind of who I am. The following summaries of my adventures are not my brightest moments… dumb decisions, embarrassing stories, and hilarious mistakes. But, this blog is about honesty, and sometimes honesty isn’t pretty, but it is real. I hope you all enjoy my messiness as much as I do, I’m starting to think it’s kind of awesome. 🙂

 

New Year’s Eve was amazing! Usually, I spend the holiday at home in sweats, trying to make it ‘till midnight so I can mumble “Happy New Year” to whoever is around- then immediately pass out. Well, I was determined to make this year count. It’s been my first single New Year’s in over 10 years, and I wanted to party! I had a cute little dress to wear, AND I actually felt pretty good in it (that’s new to me, so you have to realize that’s kind of a big deal!). Long story short: there were drinks, there was laughter, there was midnight, and then, I don’t really remember the rest…whoops (mistake #1). What matters though, is that I have incredible friends who took care of me and I made it back safely to my apartment the next morning with about five minutes to spare before my next engagement.  All I know is that a football game at Cowboys Stadium the next morning was a terrible, terrible idea to agree to (mistake #2). There was way too much cheering, yelling, bright lights, and smelly food. (It also should be noted, a stadium bathroom is pretty much the worst place to be sick…repeatedly.) Just picture me running past people in the stands trying to find the nearest place to safely well, you know. I felt like Kristen Wig in Bridesmaids on the airplane…you know the scene:

wiig

After surviving my first 24 hours of 2015, I decided to log onto the good ol’ dating site and check out who was interested in me (this choice will lead to mistake #3). I read an article that said your best chance of finding someone on a dating site is the first weekend after the New Year. Something about everyone fulfilling their New Year’s resolutions and trying to find someone to date, blah blah blah. So, I figured, why not look around?

Fast forward through several days of talking with a few guys, having some weird conversations…and a couple of nice ones as well, this guy (we will call him…Ryan) asked me out on a date. Yes! I know, a DATE! I played Queen’s We Are The Champions in my apartment, did a few Rocky style winning fist thrusts into the air, and finally said yes (this was mistake #3). After some back and forth banter on choosing a place to go, he offers to meet at Chili’s and gives me the intersection in Arlington. [Side note: for those of you who don’t already know, Chili’s is my all-time favorite place to eat. I have no idea why, I just love it. Their ranch….it’s amazing]. Anyway, I take this sign of him choosing my favorite place as a gift from the gods and now I’m even more excited. It’s meant to be, I think, how could this get any more perfect? I tell him I’ll meet him in 30 minutes and he confirms that he’ll be there.

Blame it on my excited-ness (or my lead-foot), but I arrived in only 20 minutes. Do I get out and wait in the restaurant? Do I wait outside? Do I get a table? Too many options, and, you see, I have this illegitimate fear that I will be ‘that girl’ having to repeated tell the waiter that my friend is on their way and to just give him 10 more minutes, while the ice melts in our drinks and they eventually take the opposite place setting away and leave me alone at the table, looking sad and well, alone. Dramatic, I know.  So, just as an FYI, I texted him that I was there early, waiting in my car, and to let me know when he got there since I was a little early.

No answer.

Hm, that’s a little weird, I thought to myself, but maybe he’s just really into safety and doesn’t text and drive. 20 minutes later, (which was about 8:40, ten minutes past our originally agreed upon meet up time) he answers my text with “little bit of traffic, sorry, are you as nervous as I am?”. Whew, he’s just stuck in traffic. And yes, my nerves are now a frazzled mess at this point. Remember, this is my first potential date in 10 years, and I have no idea how I’m going to do it.

30 minutes go by. Still no Ryan. So, naturally, I send him a text to make sure he didn’t get into a car accident or mauled by a roaming mountain lion on his way to our date. No answer.

I waited in the Chili’s parking lot, in my car, alone, until 10pm.

I did not get stood up. I did not get stood up! Did I just get stood up? Who stands someone up? What’s wrong with me, did I say something wrong? Did I get the location wrong? No…it says right here, I’m in the right place. Did I seriously, freaking, just get stood UP?

Yep, folks, I was stood up. That’s a first. What a wonderful way to get back into the dating world, huh? It was an emotional drive home to say the least…but I made it. Then I finished the jar of Nutella I hid in the back of my pantry for a bad day just like this one. Sometimes, I just love my good ideas. That jar of Nutella had all the answers I needed, not some stupid boy.

The next day, I woke up with a million questions. Did he get into an accident and couldn’t call? Did he even want to go out with me? Why put in several days’ worth of conversation just to stand a girl up? Was he just nervous? Should I even consider talking to him again? My mind was spinning. Ultimately, I decided to not text him and just let it go. Let it just become a good story about a first attempted date.

Then, that afternoon, this conversation happened:

IMG_2207

What. The. Hell. Now, I’m just pissed off. First, not even a sorry?! Second, I now know you’re an idiot because you gave me the exact intersection so there’s no way that we “ended up at different ones”. Third, you didn’t text me because you stood me up.  And I love the last text, his final words a couple hours later when he realized I wasn’t going to play his games. Did he really give ME attitude when he stood ME up? Asshole.

I felt like Cupid (or some evil twin version of that fat baby) just slapped me on the back and said, “Welcome to the world of dating! Have fun!” If I could have, I would have kicked that damn baby into 2026 and snapped every arrow in his quiver. If this is dating, I don’t want to be a part of it…where are my cats and fuzzy robe? Cats don’t stand people up.

But, it’s a new year! In 2015, I now choose to look at the bright side of this adventure: I have a great story to tell and my next first date can’t go worse!

At least, I’m hoping it can’t go worse…I’ll keep you posted.

A Year of Change

Is it me, or is the comma placement weird in this photo?

What a year! Highs and lows. Happiness and sadness. Lessons were learned, mistakes were made. Bridges were burned and new relationships were built. Every cliche in the book pretty much summed up my year. However, I did learn a few incredible things about myself during the past 12 hardest months of my life:

1. It’s okay to put yourself first. 

My whole life used to revolve around making others happy. While it’s true that I’m happiest when others are happy, I also lied to myself for several years about just how miserable I was on the inside. We’re all familiar with the saying “you can’t please everyone”, and I finally stopped trying to prove that statement wrong. 2014 was the first year I can remember that I made decisions that made me happy, and I didn’t care if others agreed or not. It’s such a freeing feeling, not being weighed down by others opinions or emotions. Who cares if you spend way too much money on granola bars or if you haven’t swept your apartment in months. No one, that’s who.

2. If you need help, ask for it. 

I used to be a firm believer in doing things myself and that asking for help was a sign of weakness. I’m not sure if it’s because I lost my mom so early, or some other reason that was imprinted on my brain as a wee one, but I had this crazy notion that I could never depend on anyone. “If you want something done right, do it yourself” was a common phrase in my life. Well, let’s just say in 2014, I needed some freaking help. And turns out, people came out of the woodwork with love, support, and anything else I needed before I even asked. It was amazing. I learned that it’s okay to cry on your best friend’s couch while drinking cheap wine and stuffing yourself cheesecake. And you know what else? They won’t judge you. They may drink some of your wine, but they won’t judge you. I realized that being open and honest about your heartache can lead to healing. Not only for you, but for others as well.

3. I am beautiful.

Okay, I know that sounds conceited, but I swear, that’s not how I mean it. A year ago, I would have never, ever, in a zillion years, considered writing that statement. Me? Beautiful? Hell to the no. Sure, I’m not magazine-cover pretty…I’ll never be blonde, 5’9′, size 2, with porcelain skin and baby blue eyes. But, honestly, I don’t want to be anymore. I like my look now. Freckles for days, bright green eyes, nerdy glasses, sassy bangs, and always great shoes. It doesn’t matter to me if no guy ever takes a second look in my direction, I don’t dress/act/look a certain way for them, I do it for me. I’ve lost 52 pounds (so far!) for me. I spent way too much money on a new little black dress that I feel amazing in (even though I have nowhere to wear it yet) for me. I’m getting a second tattoo for me. It feels good to be comfortable in my own skin. And it feels good to be confident. Boom.

4. Life is messy.

When my life “fell apart” earlier this year, I thought I would stick out like a sore thumb. I quickly realized that no one’s life is perfect. And even more so, if it appears perfect on the outside, chances are it’s a hot mess under that pretty facade. People are fake, lives are confusing, mistakes happen, honesty is rare, and those closest to you may fail you. I’ve come to realize that this is just how life is, just a normal fact. I don’t expect perfection in myself, why did I set others to that standard? I’m learning to love people for who they are, weaknesses, faults, and mistakes included. I can only hope that others do the same for me.

 

Of course I learned many more things this past year, but they all tend to fall into one of the categories above. After everything I’ve been through so far, I can gratefully say, “see ya later, 2014! You kicked my ass, but I think I gave you a run for your money!”.

And to 2015: bring. it. on!

 

Movie for One

If you’re reading this post, you’ll be happy to know I survived. For a couple minutes, I didn’t know if I would make it. But congratulations to me: I did!

I went to a movie by myself.

(I’ll pause for you to finish your gasp, pick your jaw up off the floor, and the applause to die down………)

Alright, ready for some details? The idea came out of nowhere this afternoon, I had a great morning, got in my jog, had brunch with a friend…I can’t figure out why I decided to torture myself today. It was about 3:30, and I thought: hm, why not go to a movie? For some reason, the sane part of my brain didn’t kick in and scream: because you have no one to go with you!!! I looked up movies that were out, and couldn’t decide between two: The Maze Runner and This is Where I Leave You. After watching the trailers for both, I decided that it would probably be best to go see the one I wouldn’t likely break down sobbing in the theater (i.e. The Maze Runner won). I’d read the books a couple of years ago, and enjoyed them. It’s more action driven rather than drama filled, so I think I made the best decision.

Now, which theater? Do I go to an older one? A trendy one? Studio Movie Grill? Well, I quickly crossed off SMG, those are like prime date-night places, and I didn’t think I could handle eating by myself AND a movie by myself in one afternoon. (I’m not THAT crazy.) So, I decided to pick an older theater in north Dallas and hope I didn’t run into anyone I knew.

It played out like a freakin’ movie. I laugh about it now, but I wanted to crawl in a hole when it happened. I sit in the parking lot because, of course, I’m super early for the movie. After I have multiple conversations with myself (maybe I am THAT crazy), and then a conversation with a friend via text about how stupid I was, I mustered up the courage to get out of my car. I wait in line for my ticket, on my phone “texting” the entire time so people around me would think I was “meeting someone” and I wasn’t alone at a movie… (ugh, it sounds so pathetic!). Then, it happened, I asked the ticket guy, “One, for The Maze Runner”. He responds with, “Just one ticket, you said?” SERIOUSLY?! I wanted to bang on that plexi-glass and scream into that weird microphone thing in between us: YES, JUST ONE TICKET! I’M DIVORCED AND TRYING TO GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M ALONE?! …but I didn’t. He probably didn’t even realize what he said, or maybe he didn’t hear me. Who knows, but he’s lucky there was a barrier between us.

Okay, I get to my seat and I’m sitting there alone, in the dark, with only popcorn and a smuggled-in Diet Coke (I’m on a budget, okay?!)…I kept thinking to myself: this is my life now, party of one. Then another guy walks in, by himself, with popcorn (and he splurged for a movie Coke…he must be loaded). So, what do I do? I take a photo. No, not in a creepy way. Okay, maybe a little creepy, but I wanted proof I wasn’t the only person who goes to the movies alone.

I wanted to high five this dude.
I wanted to high five this dude.

After about 12,357 commercials/previews/reminder about no texting, the movie finally started and I could ignore the fact that I was hating every minute of this experience. Also, I dropped my popcorn halfway through the movie due to a startling scene. Ugh. (Side note, if you’re interested: it was a good movie, although not exactly by the book. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the theater that actually read the book, due to all the gasping and shock towards the end, but anyway…)

After the movie, I had the awesome idea of walking really close to the group in front of me so that it appeared I was with that group. Smart, right? Until they abruptly stopped before the exit to talk about the movie…then I had to awkwardly just walk through their group circle and make my way towards the exit. Then- I power walked to my car and let out a huge sigh of relief. I made it. I did it. I’M FREAKING AWESOME. 

Now, it’s yoga pants and take out Chinese food. Yes, I deserve it, it was a traumatic day. I’ll leave you with my inspirational quote from my friend, Elle. You go girl!

Capture

 

One Percent

99% of the time, I put on a pretty good show. 99% of the time, I look around and see how lucky I am to have this amazing life. 99% of the time, I’ll tell you I made the right decision and I have no regrets.

But that one percent…it’s overwhelming sometimes. It knocks the wind out of me, pins me down, and makes me feel like all my worst fears are coming true at once.

I keep little motivational reminders all over my apartment. I don’t really know why, other decorations are much prettier. I’m sure some people think I’m crazy when they come across a random post it or read a cheesy poster on the wall. On good days, I walk by the one that says, “chin up, keep shining, be positive, smile” and I do raise my chin up just a little and put a smile on my face. On less happy days, I walk by the same sign and think, “why should I?”. And most days, my favorite sign, “she thought she could so she did” is so inspiring, but during others it just seems to mock me and say “she thought she could…but she’ll fail“.

99% of the time, I can walk past a guy and seriously care less about what he thinks. 99% of the time, I can laugh without fear of judgement or the constant need to fit in. 99% of the time I won’t hesitate as I answer “great!” when you ask how I’m doing.

I’ll never understand how I can enjoy a song hundreds of times when I’m feeling good, and then hear it once on a bad day and break down from one sappy verse. Most days I can now look in the mirror and think that I’m making progress and don’t look completely hideous. But, I still have mornings when I intentionally get ready away from every mirror in my apartment because I can’t handle my own judgement.

 

Maybe the one percent will be there forever. Maybe it will be a lifelong battle of fighting off my insecurities and second guessing every decision I make. But maybe, just maybe, I can break free of that one out of 100 days that is so gloomy and see the sun shining all around me.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

“Wanna do a juice cleanse?!”

This is the question I received a few days ago. I immediately said yes, of course. Why? I have no idea. Mainly, I agreed because I’ve made it a life goal to say no as little as possible. Because of this, I’ve experienced new things, tried new foods (good and bad), and met more people, heard new music, and enjoyed life so much more than I used to.

Even though I blindly accepted this cleansing adventure, I said yes with a week to  research and prepare. What I thought would be a three day challenge has turned into a nine day challenge. Oh joy, I just tripled my fun!

To best handle a cleanse, “they” (whoever they is) recommend eating clean for three days before and after the actual juicing days to make it easier. My first thought on this: why do I need to make it easier? What’s hard about it if I don’t eat clean?. Needless to say, I’m going the safe route and I started eating clean on Friday, before I drink my life away on Monday, then followed by at least three additional days of clean eating.

What is this idea of eating ‘clean’? It’s all about consuming foods in their most natural state, Fruits veggies, whole grains, grass-fed meats, etc. Eliminating processed foods, refined sugars, white flour, saturated and trans fats, basically everything that used to be in my diet constantly. So, on Thursday I had my “last meal”…don’t judge me- it was a Whataburger Jr. and a Diet Coke with a few fries. It was glorious.

Friday AKA ‘Clean Eating Day 1” was fairly painless. Fairly. I woke up and instantly wanted coffee, then was shut down by the post-it I intentionally left on my Keurig the night before to remind me that I can’t wake up artificially. Instead, I splashed my face with cold water and slapped on a de-caffeinated smile. I skipped breakfast, because I had nothing in my fridge that was clean, then went produce shopping during lunch to load up for the next few days. Can I just say that grocery store produce, namely organic produce, is ridiculously expensive? That’s the last time I ever shop for food in Oak Cliff. Anyway, dinner was yummy:

photo (4)

Overall, Friday was successfully clean! I’d say, on a scale of 1 being miserable to 10 meaning over-the-moon happy, I ended on about a 7.5. I missed my coffee and diet coke…but also felt accomplished and proud of myself.

Saturday has been better, and also, worse. I did make it only half way to my coffee maker before I realized I couldn’t partake in any caffeinated and hazelnut creamy goodness, but, I perked up when I realized the farmer’s market was only 10 minutes away and I’ve never been! It. Is. Amazing. The produce is super fresh, super cheap, and so yummy! I filled up on samples and bought way too much, but it was a lot of fun.

Since I went with a couple of good friends, the next question was natural. I was expecting it, but that didn’t make me any stronger in resisting it. “Wanna go grab lunch and a drink?” I mean, it’s Saturday, early afternoon and patios were just waiting to be sat on. Remember my life’s goal? Don’t say no! Did I know that I’d break so soon? Uggghhh… but I did. Let me just say: it was so worth it. If you live in Dallas, go to Cold Beer Co. It’s amazing. And, I didn’t do too badly, I had one beer and a turkey sandwich. Yes, it had bacon and cheddar on it…but again, so good. The rest of my afternoon will be spent binge-watching The Newsroom and eating fruit. Lots of it.

Stay tuned for the rest of this…escapade. I think it’s going to be very entertaining.